Being a mother is the most beautiful, demanding, stressful yet rewarding, nonstop, unpaid role a woman can take on.
When they say your whole life changes once you become a mom, they mean that. I became a mom in 2017 when our oldest daughter was born. To no surprise, I dove into the deep end of “momming”. I obsessed over products, feeding/sleep schedules, childcare options, and whether or not my baby was breathing at night *insert long sigh*. The list is honestly never ending. I was so wrapped up in being a mom and catering to what my baby needed, but I didn’t focus on how the transition had affected ME physically and emotionally. Lingering back pain, learning to love my post baby body, triggered anxiety and grief about the loss of my own mom, and changes to my close relationships with friends and family all become constant in my life. All of these were contributing factors to me not feeling like Amie. I desperately needed to get back to a good place within myself where I was able to embrace my new role but also remain true to myself. Here’s how I’ve worked through this journey over the years…
Surround yourself with understanding people
I’ve always been a fairly social person who enjoys going out with friends. But after kids, that changed. I couldn’t get away as much and honestly wasn’t in the headspace for it. What I find the most helpful during periods where Amie is lost is having people around me that meet me where I am; whether they have kids themselves or not. Motherhood is an absolutely beautiful thing, but it can also be a lonely and difficult transition. Surround yourself with people who don’t mind getting into the deep with you sometimes. People who are comfortable being a sounding board to some of your frustrations, arrange for you to get out of the house for a few hours for lunch, or even offer to help you with baby can give you just the nudge you need to focus on you even if it’s only for a few hours.
Remember what you liked doing before and prioritize doing them again
When you’re in the thick of being a mom it’s honestly so easy to forget what you liked doing before. Between sleep deprivation, hormone changes, breastfeeding (if you choose that path), and the overall care of a tiny human being that is solely dependent on you and your partner for survival; it would be a miracle if you didn’t forget your passions. The act of being a parent is something of a selfless act in the sense that there’s certain things that you have to do for your children in order for them to be cared for properly. This has to be done whether you like it or not; which is why I stand by the statement that being a parent is selfless. The sweet spot is finding the intersection between selfless parenting and being true to yourself. It’s a mind shift, but you have to learn to have multiple priorities. Being a mom is a priority, being a wife is a priority, and being YOU is a priority. Over the years, I’ve incorporated once a month brunches with friends, prioritized getting my nails done twice a month, signed up for spa memberships (that I’m not the best at actually using-more on that later), and taking myself out for shopping and lunch alone. I’m not amazing at consistently incorporating these things, but that’s all a part of the journey.
Openly discuss me time with your partner
Communication before and after becoming parents with your spouse is the most important tip of all. It’s no surprise that from the moment you become pregnant, your life as the mom changes in a way that your husband’s life just doesn’t. That continues once you give birth as well, especially if you are breastfeeding. You are on a schedule that your husband isn’t on. This schedule often makes it tough for moms to find the time to get away. But it’s important that both mom and dad feel comfortable creating time for each other to get away. My husband is obsessed with soccer. He both watches and plays multiple times a week. Although he has had to reduce the number of days he plays a week and some of the times to align with our schedule for the kids; this is something that we make work so he still has time to himself. For me, it’s important that I get time with my friends and that I can go run errands without the girls. My husband does his share and encourages me to also get out when I want.
Half the battle is being aware from the beginning that you could lose yourself if care is not taken and then actively doing the work to ensure you don’t lose you for too long.
